Happy 19th Birthday Arianne

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Today, as I've done for the past few years since I've had this blog, I am wishing my sweet baby girl, Arianne, a very happy birthday. If you want, you can see those posts here, here, here and here.

Today, the daughter that I didn't get to raise turns 19 years old. She entered this world six weeks too early. She was so small and tiny and needed help to eat. Today, she turns 19, and I am left wondering how the two week old infant I left behind is doing.

Is she attending her first year of college?  Does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she is married?  What music does she like? Did her hair stay brown?  Does she know that she has another mother, one that loved her so much that she felt a better life with two parents would be best for her? Does she know that my heart aches for her and that I am desperate to meet her, to hold her, to tell her I love her?

Does she know that the day I said goodbye to her has been the hardest day of my life and that the last 19 years have been filled with many, many hard days as I mourn my loss -- a loss that I have never gotten over, a loss that still haunts me?

Arianne, my fervent prayer and desire is that you and I will be reunited one day. I think of you always.

Much love,
Your Mother

8 comments :

Jeanne said...

What a beautifully poignant letter. I, too, hope that someday you reunite with your daughter.

Hugs on this day.

Inkyfingers said...

I was so moved by your post Alanna. I hope one day that you can meet and have all your questions answered.

Carla said...

Hugs to you Alanna & a very happy birthday to Arianne!

ellyscard creatief said...

What a sadness story, it touched me deeply
I hope that one day you can meet your daughter.
Blessings to your all.
Elly

Tracey McNeely said...

Alanna, as I sit here with tears in my eyes, I respect you for what you did for your beautiful girl and I hope that one day you are reunited with her.

Joyce said...

What you did for your daughter must have been so very difficult, but it was a gift of love. I hope that one day, you will be reunited with this young lady, who has always remained in your heart.

Kim Heggins said...

Alanna...not often does a blog post bring me to tears like yours did today. I pray that some day you will be reunited with a wonderful young lady, keep the faith.

Barb said...

Add my prayers to your own Alanna. What a beautiful thing you did. I'm sorry for your loss, but pray for that reunion. xx

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