Happy 18th Birthday Arianne

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

It's Arianne's 18th birthday today.  The last time I saw her was when she was 2 weeks old, the day that I placed her in the arms of her adoptive parents.  It's hard to believe that it's been 18 years.  That was almost half my life ago. 

It's hard for me to think of her as a woman and not the precious baby that I said goodbye to.  Although I said goodbye to her that day and left her for another mother and father to raise, I never said goodbye in my heart -- a heart that has never stopped grieving. 

My heartache has been immense and I mostly try to keep it bottled up inside, as to not to have to feel the pain and loss, that I still bear.  I have made my struggle public, just a bit, as I have shared my thoughts about her on her birthdays the last few years of which I've had a blog.

I have so many questions.  Like did her parents tell her that she was adopted?  They told me they wouuld.  Does she know that I have loved her every day of her life and that I've never stopped thinking about her.  If she knows that I exist, does she think about me?  Does she want to meet me? What color hair does she have?  How tall is she?  Is she athletic?  Has she enjoyed high school?  Has she stayed close to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?  Of course, those are just the tip of the iceberg. 

Arianne, I love you.  I wish you all the very best and I hope and pray, that someday, we will be reunited, and that I will get to know you and the wonderful person that I'm sure you've become.

For now, I will leave you all with a picture of me and my sweet baby, taken nearly 18 years ago.  

5 comments :

Jeanne said...

Oh Alanna, I can't hope to fully understand how difficult this must be for you. I, too, hope that someday you two will reunite and that hole filled just a little. You are very brave and very strong. What a beautiful photo.

Gentle hugs to you today.

Stephanie said...

Oh sweetheart, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, along with your precious photograph. I have no words other than I'm thinking about you & sending hugs your way xxx

Carla said...

There are no words . . .***HUGS!!!!***

Heather C said...

I love you Alanna Bear! I wish I could wrap you in my arms and give you the best hug! I hope some day you will meet her and have your questions answered.

SuperPat said...

What a beautiful baby girl. I am sure that she is just as beautiful as a young woman today. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, we just wish we were there in person to give you a big hug.

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