Happy 15th Birthday Arianne

Friday, October 16, 2009

October 16th is a very special day, as it was that day that I went into pre-term labor at 34 weeks and gave birth to my sweet baby girl Arianne Raquel. I blogged about her 14th birthday here. I can’t believe that 15 years have passed since that eventful day. I was just a mere 20 year old with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Sad circumstances led to my unplanned pregnancy and I agonized for months on what to do. I finally decided that my sweet baby would have a better home with two parents. I did get to spend two glorious weeks with my little girl before I had to say goodbye. I visited her each day in the NICU and would spend hours there just holding her, watching her, and wondering if I was making the right decision. Two weeks later, I said goodbye to my baby and placed her in the arms of her new parents, who were chosen by me just a couple of weeks earlier.

The road has been long and full of much heartache, which will never fully go away. I also rejoice in the life that I was able to bring into this world and the blessing that she was to parents who so desperately wanted a baby. With that, I wish my sweet Arianne a very happy 15th birthday. It’s hard for me to even think of her as a teenager as this is one of the last pictures I have. Aahhh, the world of adoption was so much different in 1994 than it is now.

I hope one day that I will be able to be reunited with my precious girl and that she knows how much I love her and that my heart has never stopped aching for her. I love you Arianne.

22 comments :

chercroppin said...

Oh my Alanna, I am in tears...I had no idea!

Well hun, you are so right, she is a beautiful girl, truly a Blessing in the lives of everyone who loves and cares for her.

Am sending love and HUGE hugs today to you Alanna and Happy 15th to your sweet Arianne! xoxo

Penny D. said...

Oh Alanna. I was not a follower of your blog last year but I went back and read the post. How hard that must have been for you, I cannot even begin to imagine.

The fact that you were brave enough to carry her for nine months and then give her away instead of ending her precious life in the very beginning says alot about you and how strong of a woman you were/are.

I am sure someday she will know how much you love her and that you did what was best for her. It's even possible that as she gets older she will try to find you.

Happy Birthday Arianne!!

Jeanne said...

Oh Alanna, what a heart wrenching situation. You are to be commended for doing the right thing, hard as it must have been. I hope that someday you will be reunited with Arianne.

What an amazing and strong woman you are.

Happy Birthday to Arianne.

Kathi Carlson said...

Oh, wow! I didn't "know" you a year ago, so this is new to me. I hope you have that reunion someday, too, so that Arianne will know how loving and unselfish her birth mother is. So few have your courage. Blessings to you and Arianne today and always.

Laurel said...

Ah, (((hugs))) to you today. So you know you did the right thing and I hope one day you will be reunited with her.

mom2beachbums said...

Hard for me to write my thoughts so I can't imagine how hard it is for you. You are the strongest person I have ever known and my heart has ached so much for you all these years. That picture of Arianne is so sweet ~ she looks so much like you! I pray one day you will be reuniting with your precious daughter, I'm sure she will want that. Happy 15th birthday Arianne! I love you too!!

Carolyn Christie said...

Ok I'm crying my eyes out here. My heart goes out to you!! I didn't know this. I pray you can be reunited with your sweet baby girl one day. Happy Birthday Arinne, You have an Awesome Mother!!
Hugs!!

Sandra T. said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are very strong and brave to do such a great thing.

Shannon said...

Alanna I love you! You are always in my heart!

Cee Cee said...

My weeping heart...I so LOVE you! You are one of the strongest people I know and I am sooooo blessed to have you as friend because I always gather strength from you. She is so sweet and I know that one day you will be able to see her again and she will have proof that you loved her enough to do the hardest...and best...thing for her. I always think of her this time of year because our kiddos have b-days so close together. Happy Birthday sweet Arianne!

Kelley Eubanks said...

Alanna!! I don't even know the words to say except what courage it took for you to give up your daughter in hopes that she would have a better life than you could have given her at that point! Bless you!!

Sparkle said...

Hugs to you today! And Happy birthday to Arianne! I hope that someday you will be reunited with her.

Maria Matter said...

oh Sweetie, this post brought tears to my eyes...
She is beautiful and you did what was best for her, what a truly unselfish act! I'm sure your heart breaks...but love will always be there and maybe one day you will be able to hug her and tell her how much you've loved her all these years!!!
{{Hugs}}
Blessings, Maria

Sarah said...

Ohh Alanna...what a heartfelt story that is...I just don't know what to say. How brave and strong you are. I can't imagine how much you must miss her. I wish you and her all the best in this world and pray that you get to see her one day and tell her how much you love her.

Kim said...

I'm so touched by your story! First I want to say she looks like you. Secondly, thank you for loving your baby enough to give her away. Next, my heart is breaking for you. I can't have children. My Ben and I have struggled for 11 years and I've wanted to adopt so badly. Ben doesn't want to. I just can't imagine the heartache you live with every single day. I pray for you and that you will get to meet your beautiful daughter and build a relationship with her. I am sending you a huge hug with love!
Blessings,
kim xXx

Sharli said...

Alanna,

This is news to me - and I am so proud of you. It takes a lot more courage to give this gift to your child, the gift of better opportunity, and your heart is so full of love - I pray that one day she will get to know you and realize how truly blessed she is!

Happy Birthday, Arianne.
Hugs, Alanna.

Bonibleaux Designs said...

Ah what a sweet tribute! She is beautiful and so are you! Be strong and I too hope that one day you get to tell her how much you truly care!

XOXOXOXO

Caryl P said...

Oh Alanna, thank you for sharing, and happy birthday to your baby. You are such a strong, brave individual to put your daughter first even when it hurt. Hugs and prayers go out to you.

Anna said...

Alanna, I have to tell you how brave I think you are. That is such a hard choice to make, and I know there's a hole in your heart that will never really go away. Being adopted, it means so much that you took the time to make a choice that at the time was what you felt was right for her. My parents were selfish, and didn't do that, and lost me to the courts when I was ten. I wish they'd taken the time to make that choice for me as an infant. Hugs!

Heather C said...

Hi Alanna!

I tried to call but your cell phone didn't let me leave a message. I left one on your house phone. As always you and Arianne are in our thoughts and prayers. I wish we were still there so we could give you a huge hug. Your strength is something I wish I had! I hope you had a wonderful day yesterday and have a wonderful weekend! Happy Birthday Sweet Arianne!!!

We love and miss you lots!!!

Love,
Heather & Steve

Angela Harris said...

Absolutely heart breaking. I wish no one ever had to ache for their child. I hope god grants you some peace and reunites her with you in time.

Jena said...

Wow, I had no idea - I cried when I read your last paragraph - you are so strong! Hugs to you and happy (late) birthday to your sweet daughter. Take care!

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